The Invisible Bridge

My head believes in the Invisible Bridge--that wonderful bridge that connects me to the Universe and allows my needs to be met if "Do the Work" and "Follow the Connections."  But it is clear that my body needs to see and feel the bridge below my feet.  I hate admitting that I'm not evolved enough to really know that all of my needs will be met as I step out past pay checks.

I want to keep this blog real and on track about my journey of making my living from my art and being abundant, but I just couldn't write about my discomfort anymore.  So, here are the cliff notes of the last week (with a happy ending) instead:

     Week ago Thursday - Meltdown
     Week ago Friday - Decided that the fear is getting in the way of making art, so it is 
                                 better idea to get job
     Last Saturday - Connected with the employer that I solved the money problem with a
                             previous time that Chuck quit his job and started sending out resumes
                             locally
     Last Monday - Changed my mind about the previous employer because I feared getting
                           sucked into making enough money and losing my art more than not having 
                           money.  Sent out a couple more resumes locally
     Tuesday and Wednesday - More unproductive time not making art
     Thursday - Interview for a local part-time job doing light accounting, excel, access, and
                      organizing -- all the things that I want in a money job right now!
     Friday - Start part-time job

I cannot solve all of our near future money needs with this one part-time job, so maybe one foot is on the visible bridge while the other is on the invisible one.  That is all I can do right now.  I feel like this part of the equation is resolved and my mind is clear to make art.  This blog needs some art postings!!

Me and My Pal Frank

Chuck had his last day at the Base on Friday. But he started the day with a phone interview for a short-term tech contract in Austin. They met all of his criteria for such a gig, so he told the recruiter they could submit him to the state agency that was looking for a data conversion programmer.

I found myself really elated by this prospect.  Chuck said it was what he "asked for" but he didn't think it would show up so fast.  We planned how we would manage the car, who he might live with, and how four months of work could buy us eight months of living expenses.  Of course, we always make these kind of plans in these situations, like having the car paid off before Chuck left the Base, like waiting until my lease was up before I moved in (was that 11 years ago?), mapping out furniture arrangements before we actually move into a new apartment--our "plans" never, ever work out--but they keep our brains busy and make us feel better.

Another thing that I said was, "It would really solve a lot of problems."  But after I gave it more thought, the only problem that we have right now, is my fear about unknown income sources.  My head is completely OK with our new economy, but clearly I have some major wires that are still coded in the old economy.

I don't think it is possible for me at this moment not to worry about it.  So, I'm accepting that my fear about money is going to be around a while.  And since we are going to be together--I didn't say friends--my pal should have a name--Frank.

I'm going to keep on eye on Frank and hopefully he doesn't cause to much trouble.  Things like fraud on now two of my bank accounts, I'm probably going to blame on Frank.  And while I acknowledge that Frank is probably going to be around for a while, it doesn't mean that I have to talk to him.  For now, I'm going to let him sit quietly in the corner.

Language

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  My mom said this as probably every other parent on the planet.  I don't believe this anymore.  I think words can leave a big impression, especially if the person saying them is ourselves. 

Here is a little excerpt from Spiritual Economics on page 36 in my book, "Failure or lack in your life is simply the result of continuously 'minus-ing' yourself.  Conversely, success and prosperity are the results of constantly 'plus-ing' yourself.

When I started paying attention to this about 6 weeks ago, I found myself "minus-ing" myself all the time.  Sometimes it was just in my tone of voice.  I heard a lot of "only's" coming out of my mouth.  I only did that or I only did this and I should have blah, blah, blah.  I noticed these often.

The hardest question for me to answer was how is my business doing.  And it always seemed to me that in that moment all I could focus on was the no sales I was having.  But a coach friend, Sue Vittner, helped me to look at the situation differently.  She told me to step back and look at all the successes that I had achieved and my knowledge that I would have sales in the future.  I have had sales in the past and all of the innovative work that I have been doing.  It wasn't a lie to say that my business was terrific.  Of course, since I'm prepared for that question, people have stopped asking it.  But I can authentically answer that my business is terrific. 

But language "minus-ing" can be pretty subtle, too.  Yesterday, when I was writing on my blog about our grocery store budget, at first, I used the word careful to describe how we had to be with the budget.  But I changed it to mindful.  To me, careful is attached to danger.  Mindful is paying close attention.  I just "plussed" myself.

I would love to hear how you "plus" yourself with language.

Feeling Abundant

There are several things that really make me feel abundant. 

One is Starbuck's Italian Roast ground for my French Press.  It used to be their lattes but after drinking this strong, thick wonderful coffee, I find the lattes too milky.  I love the ritual of boiling the water, counting out the six scoops, pouring and then stirring the water, and finally setting my iPhone timer for 4 minutes but knowing that a little extra dawdle time is needed to get the perfect brew.  The little chime goes off and then the slow, resisting plunge.  A little half-n-half and then the perfect start to any day.

Another thing that makes me feel abundant and almost decadent is good bread.  I love the crusty bread that we can sometimes find at the farmer's market and the yummy bread at Broadway Daily Bread.  Going there is always a treat because they always have samples.  Good-bread-still-warm-with-butter just doesn't compare to HEB-bread-that-has-those-plastic-seals-that-I-can-never-get-off-without-ripping-the-bag. 

In our new economy, as I choose to call Chuck's and my latest adventure, we have a pretty tight grocery store budget.  I have allowed us $200 per person per month, which is what I heard on NPR is what single people on food stamps get.  I don't know how accurate it is, but that really isn't important.  It is a lot less than we have been spending, but seems reasonable if we are mindful.  I feel it is just as important to feel abundant as it is to save on dollars.

I wasn't feeling very abundant this morning, though, when I was ordering dyes for the studio.  I calculated my checking account balance and subtracted out my rent that hasn't hit yet and next month's rent and saw a much smaller number than what I had expected, so I ordered smaller quantities and skipped a couple of colors--and was feeling pretty poor. 

I had to really stop and regroup and ask my brain what was true right now in this moment.  Right now in this moment, my bank account is pretty fat.  Plus we still have one more big check coming in from Chuck's job.  I have receivables from lay-a-way purchases.  What is true, is I have abundance all around me--in this moment!

I was able to relax and go on to have a great day in the studio, where I was presented with an amazing and potentially very lucrative opportunity.  It pays to feel abundant!

Great Books

There are three books that I would like to plug. They have all really helped me or are helping me.

The first one is Creating a Life Worth Living.  It is the book that got me on my path from accountant to life coach to artist.  The author of this fabulous book is Carol Lloyd.

There are a lot of stories of how artists be artists and how they live in order to keep art centered in their lives. It might be time for me to re-read this one.

The second one is called Spiritual Economics by Eric Butterfield.  I've just finished it and now Chuck is reading it.  It is easy to read and a practical guide to a spiritual practice and beliefs around money and prosperity.  I was introduced to this book recently at Celebration Circle, a spiritual group that meets in San Antonio.  The book contains a lot about gratitude and allowing flow. 

A favorite paragraph on page 23:  "You see, the basis of entitlement is the startling assertion:  The Universe owes you a living!  Yes, we are saying owes you a living.  Note:  We are not saying that the world owes you a living.  Actually, the world owes you nothing.  You are a creative expression of the Universe, with the responsibility to let your light shine.  Thus you owe the world a life.  But in all the many ways in which you apply yourself in the world, the Universe owes you complete support."  Let that sink in for a while.

Finally, the third book that I'm half way through is I'd Rather Be in the Studio! by Alyson B. Stanfield.  As always, the right resource--teacher, book--shows up when you are ready.  I've known about Alyson for a long time, but the student wasn't ready until now.  It has a lot of information on how you can spend hours and hours marketing.  My goal is to have my business foundation built by the end of the summer while still squeezing in studio time. 

I signed up for her class, Cultivating Collectors, a few days before Chuck resigned, an event that I knew was coming before he turned 50 (May 29, 2011).  It was a hard decision to spend a hundred bucks on this before the plug was pulled.  It just seems that I should know about this stuff.  (I know, the dreaded "s" word.)

I am grateful that I did sign up, because I might not have made the same decision afterwards.  It is so hard to be in flow and make good financial decisions when we naturally contract when known money sources are stopping. 

So, these are my "opportunities": 

• 
  
  To prudently spend and not spend money in an unknown money stream as if it were a known money stream
• 
  
  To know when to add or not add known income sources
• 
  
  To not buy into the fear of those around me have for me.  It really is ok to go along with the emperor not having any clothes.

Ready or Not, Here We Go

I have been very fortunate that my husband, Chuck, has been employed for the last three years with a job that has supported us both, given us insurance, and allowed us to rest and regroup from our previous self-employment adventures.  During this time, I have been able to "create an artful life," the description of my previous blog.

Well, as of July 10, 2010, Chuck will be giving up his "perfectly good job" that energetically has become unsustainable.  Chuck will be free from "eating fear and death" and be able to do what he loves--acting and everything related to theater and movies.

Which puts me in the situation of going back to regular employment or actually getting my art business off the ground.  I've been checking in with my energetic self for months to see if I should get a part-time job, and so far the answer coming back is no, but this could change in the future.

So, the purpose of this new blog is to share my journey of creating abundance while creating art, share resources, and generally allow people to root us on.  I'm not freaking out yet, but I reserve the right to do that tomorrow.